Sachin Tendulkar Retires

If you can read bangla, please stop right here. Click on the picture below and you are all set

No bangla? No problem. This is a pretty rough translation of the original bangla piece that appeared in the Anandabazar Patrika dated 16th September, 2012 (and what travesty – no mention of the author’s name?).

In a maneuver reminiscent of Back To The Future, we bring you the news – tragic news – splashed all over the country in solid melancholic black. The date – 1st September, 2049…


Sachin Tendulkar has announced retirement from international cricket. Coming at only seventy six years of age, the news has stunned cricket followers and pundits all over the world. The President of India first spoke to him on telephone and later paid a personal visit to Sachin’s home (to request that he at least considered continuing to play T10s and T5s) but the little master unequivocally stated that he has never played for himself and he wanted to step down immediately and make room for like-aged colleagues. TV channels across the country are showing on loop immortal images of Sachin walking out with a bat and a walking stick – visuals that have emotionally swept the country for his last 144 innings. Also being shown are footage of Sachin walking out to open the innings with his grandson at Lords (at which the entire stadium stood up and applauded for two hours and forty five minutes, forcing the umpires to call for lunch without a single ball bowled in the session), visuals of him spraining his lower-back during mid-pitch celebrations completing three million runs are also being widely shown on TV. There were concerns that Mumbai could get flooded from the combined tears of all Maharashtrians when they hear this news. Sachin Tendulkar proactively donated seventy seven crores to the Chief Minister’s Relief Fund – his entire endorsement earnings from hearing-aid advertisements last year – to benefit the would-be flood victims. Fevicol and Wisden has jointly announced that no Sachin Tendulkar record will ever be allowed to be broken. If such a situation happens, the records shall immediately be restored to their original state. Planchette experts immediately contacted Late Sunil Gavaskar for his comments on this historic event and he….


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